1. Build rapport - hate the sin and not the sinner
2. Hear their story - details of sin pattern
3. Assess readiness for change - motivation?
4. Facilitate Repentance - share the gospel
5. Develop a comprehensive protection plan
6. Instruction and assessment of spiritual practices (discipleship)
7. Worship
8. Renew Mind - deal with fantasies, trade them for godly fantasies.
9. Learn to deal with stress and conflict
10. Learn to have clean godly fun
11. a) Assess marital relationship 
    b) reconnect husband and wife

1. List your fears (be specific)
2. Read Luke 22:42, 9:23; Deut 31:6; Joshua 1:9, in preparation for releasing fears
3. Confess by seeking God's forgiveness for each fear
4. Face the possibility of each fear happening and then claim a promise of God that relates to the fear
5. Repeat these steps whenever the fear reoccurs
6. Practice renewing your mind with truth

• Anger is not sinful, our emotional makeup is from God. Anger can become destructive but in and of itself is not.

1. Blowing Up (Ventilation) - anger is released toward others or the situation without control
2. Clamming Up (Internalization) - anger is released within self

• Is an introverted form of suffering that obscures hope; self-focused, hopeless emotional pain; malignant mourning or grief

• sleep disturbance
• appetite changes
• reduced libido
• lethargy/ fatigue

1. Excessive self-focus
2. Hopelessness

• Risk Assessment:

1. Suicidal history (thought and attempts)
2. Suicide by family or close friends
3. Current mental status: depression, phychosis, severe mood swings
4. Addictions
5. Medical Status: terminal diseases, chronic pain
6. Perception of current circumstances as hopeless; despair
7. History of violent/agressive tendencies
8. Hints, clues, remarks, notes
9. Degree of intent: passive or active
10. Presence of a feasible plan
11. Lethality of method

• Prevention

1. Develop safety plan
   1. Inform significant others
   2. Supervision arrangements
   3. Eliminate means
   4. Emergency and backup plans
2. Obtain "no harm" agreement if possible
3. Frequent contact and availability of counselor
4. Biblical Instruction: Ex. 20:13, Rom. 14:7-8, 1 Cor. 6:19-20
5. Biblical hope and encouragement: Ps. 50:15, Ps. 46, 1 Cor. 10:13, Phil. 4:13, Rom. 8:18-28

1. Listening and hearing
2. Call it what it is: sinful, evil, wicked
3. Evaluate for safety and injury - police, hospital, safe place to live, other victims: children?
4. Address any other crisis issues: $, children, etc
5. Begin building a team involving other people
6. Key issues for the victim:
   1. Learn to speak the truth and seek help from God and others
   2. Increase faithin God/Reduce fear of man
   3. Overcome evil with good
   4. Confess own sins
   5. Forgive as you have been forgiven
   6. Seek wise counsel and prayer
7. Key issues for perpetrator
   1. Understand true confession and genuine repentance
   2. Recognize impact of violence
   3. Seek forgiveness
   4. Accept accountability and consequences
   5. Develop biblical view of anger
   6. Recognize triggers to violence
   7. Develop safety escape plans
   8. Deal with small sins
   9. Develop biblical view of authority
8. After all of this, then begin to move toward marital counseling

1. Phase One: Disclosure - sense of relief
2. Phase Two: Reconciliation - For the infidel and the Cuckold (the faithful person)
3. Phase Three: Re-examination and Rebuilding - build up trust again
4. Phase Four: Renewal and Recommitment - How is God using evil for good?  Renew wedding vows.

• Godly Fear promotes love, respect, and faithful obedience.  Love moves toward problems, solution, persons, and God.
• Ungodly fear (worry and anxiety) fears what God forbids (fear of man, death, condemnation, fear, and future); fails to love and fear God above all else; fails to love others more than self. Runs from problems instead of solving problems.

1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid, if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically
4. Acknowledge the hurt
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness (and allow time)

1. I will not dwell on this incident
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
3. I will not talk to others about this incident
4. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship

• We must replace negative thoughts and memories with positive ones
• Ask for God's help and deliberately pray for that person or think of something about the offender that is "true, noble, right, pure..."

• When you need to negotiate, PAUSE.
  • Prepare
  • Affirm relationships
  • Understand nterests
  • Search for creative solutions
  • Evaluate options objectively and reasonably