Term
| What are your three fragmented "selfs"? |
|
Definition
| 1. Private self (you as only you know you) 2. Public self (you as others see you) 3. Ideal Self (how you want you and others to see you) |
|
|
Term
| What are Mead's four fundamental questions of being human? |
|
Definition
| 1. Who am I? 2. Why do I view my self how I do? 3. How was my idea of "me" created? 4. How much or little freedom do I have in creating my own self-identity? |
|
|
Term
| What was Mead trying to discover? |
|
Definition
| Why we have multiple selves and how we form them. |
|
|
Term
| What were the 10 parts of Mead's findings? |
|
Definition
| 1)Creation of self comes from others_ 2)We ask ourselves "what do they think of us" in order to understand ourselves_ 3)Our answers to this question determines our sense of self and self-worth_ 4)We trust our perception of reality, even if wrong_ 5)We have multiple selves_ 6)Specific moments change our identity_ 7)"self" is always changing_ 8)how we treat people matters_ 9)Self-fulfilling prophecy_ 10)Identity crisis |
|
|
Term
| Describe how our creation/understanding of self comes from others. |
|
Definition
| We aren't born with and can't control it. Comes from 1)interpersonal contact and 2)social influences |
|
|
Term
| Describe how asking ourselves "what do they think of me?" changes our concept of self. |
|
Definition
| We try to see ourselves through their eyes ("looking glass" self), often guessing at what they think of us. May change our perception from meeting to meeting. |
|
|
Term
| Give an example of when someone accepts their perception of reality as truth, even though they are wrong. |
|
Definition
| The "loser" with low self-esteem. |
|
|
Term
| Describe how we have multiple selves. |
|
Definition
| They all compete/converse with each other. As we age, we create "holistic composite" from all different stages of life. |
|
|
Term
| Explain why it matters how we treat others. |
|
Definition
| Our interactions with them shapes their concept of self. We have a moral obligation to "be careful" with people. |
|
|
Term
| Describe self-fulfilling/defeating prophecy. |
|
Definition
| Our concept of self determines our decisions and actions. EG: "losers" don't go to college or strive for greatness. Triggering hidden insecurities or confidences may affect performance. |
|
|
Term
| Describe Identity Crises. |
|
Definition
| When our identity is different than our reality. EG: unemployed dad, injured jock |
|
|
Term
| How do we cope with identity crisis? |
|
Definition
| 1) Become depressed, grieve_ 2)Live a lie_ 3)Re-define ourselves |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Sharing info with others that they would not normally know. Involves risk and vulnerability. |
|
|
Term
| Why is self-disclosure good? |
|
Definition
| 1)Deepens relationships (business and personal)_ 2)Helps you discover yourself_ 3)Helps prevent disease and depression |
|
|
Term
| Describe Altman and Taylor's Social penetration model. |
|
Definition
| 1)SD is like and onion, only a select few into our core_ 2)Comprised of breadth (how much of our lives is shared)_ 3)Comprised of Depth (how deeply you let someone in, risk-taking_ 4)Steady progression towards core in good relationships_ 5)SD slows/reverses as relationship deteriorates |
|
|
Term
| Why was Social Penetration flawed? |
|
Definition
| "Armchair philosophers", didn't actually research real-world. |
|
|
Term
| What are the four new theories of self-disclosure? |
|
Definition
| 1)Cycles of SD are unsteady_ 2)Not all people need both breadth and depth (male vs. female relationships)_ 3)Intense SD at start of relationship, then it levels off_ 4)Breaking up: pullout until "big finish", SD increases at end |
|
|
Term
| What were Morris's 3 stages of SD? |
|
Definition
| 1)"Hold me tight"_ 2)"Put me down"_ 3)Leave me alone--- seen from children to adults |
|
|
Term
| Describes VanLear's cycles of SD? |
|
Definition
| Relationships fluctuate between disclosure and privacy. Seen in both romantic and platonic relationships. |
|
|
Term
| Describe the differences in relationships between genders. |
|
Definition
| Males-- more grouping and situational friends. Females-- fewer friends, more sharing. |
|
|
Term
| Why do men choose not to self-disclose? |
|
Definition
| Want to maintain control. Don't want to look bad, project wrong image, or lose control. |
|
|
Term
| Why do women choose not to self-disclose? |
|
Definition
| Want to avoid personal and relational harm. |
|
|
Term
| What are the 10 guidelines for self-disclosure? |
|
Definition
| 1)Consider motivation_ 2)Consider context_ 3)Consider nature of relationship_ 4)Consider rate of SD_ 5)Consider topic (especially early)_ 6)Consider disclosures of others_ 7)Support and reinforce disclosure_ 8)Ethical guidelines_ 9)Consider burden on others_ 10)SD is irreversible |
|
|
Term
| Why should we consider the rate of SD? |
|
Definition
| There is an "incremental appropriateness". Too much too early= loss of interest. We like mystery. |
|
|
Term
| What should we consider when considering the topic of SD? |
|
Definition
| Avoiding taboo topics and negative SD. |
|
|
Term
| Why should we consider the disclosures of others? |
|
Definition
| There needs to be "turn-taking", give the other person a chance to disclose. |
|
|
Term
| Why should we support and reinforce disclosure? |
|
Definition
| It makes others feel valued. Being judgmental is #1 reason for friend loss. |
|
|
Term
| What ethical guidelines should you consider with SD? |
|
Definition
| Confidentiality, know when and when not to tell. Never use disclosures against the person. |
|
|
Term
| What are the five stages of relationship development? |
|
Definition
| 1)Contact_ 2)Involvement_ 3)Intimacy_ 4)Deterioration_ 5)Breakup, or repair then back to intimacy |
|
|
Term
| What happens in stage one of relationships? |
|
Definition
| Superficial Exchange- decision within seconds based on looks, decision within minutes based on conversation. (Shopping for potential relationships like cars) |
|
|
Term
| What nine factors influence contact? |
|
Definition
| 1)Physical appearance, 2)Approachability, 3)Warmth and friendliness, 4)Mystery (female thing), 5)Sexual invitation (male thing), 6)Popularity with others ("scarcity principle"), 7)If they like us, 8)Money/ Earning potential, 9)Fate/Destiny |
|
|
Term
| How does age influence what people look for in relationships? |
|
Definition
| Younger people looking for love, older people looking for stability (more in women) |
|
|
Term
| Why is attractiveness not stable? |
|
Definition
| Personality changes perception of appearance. Physicality fades as relationship develops. |
|
|
Term
| What have the 5 relationship stages always inspired? |
|
Definition
| Art, especially music. We buy it because they describe "our" experiences. |
|
|
Term
| How long does stage two last? |
|
Definition
| Until serious commitment is made. |
|
|
Term
| What are the goals of stage two? |
|
Definition
| Explore possibilities of relationship, see if other person likes you. |
|
|
Term
| Why is stage two like a game? |
|
Definition
| We are sneaky about finding out whether they like us so that there is always an "escape route" |
|
|
Term
| What are some tactics of "the game" in stage two? |
|
Definition
| 1)Don't overtly ask about feelings, 2)Flirting with others, 3)Play hard to get/ act like jerk, 4)Ask mutual friend, 5)Accidental touch, 6)Joke about future, 7)Try to set them up, 8)Seperate |
|
|
Term
| What are strategies to increase our desirability? |
|
Definition
| 1)Altruism/ helping others, 2)Dynamism/ being active and alive, 3)Fake popularity/ act closer to others then you are, 4)Nonverbal immediacy/ look really interested, 5)Physical attractiveness, 6)Self placement/ arrange "accidental meetings, 7)Similarity/ showing commonality |
|
|
Term
| What is involved in the switch to stage three? |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
| Explain the two forms of bonding in stage three. |
|
Definition
| 1)Private- negotiating terms. 2)Public- exchanging public signs of ownership, "telling the world" |
|
|
Term
| Explain the three forms of anxiety in stage three. |
|
Definition
| 1)Security- stability (female thing). 2)Fulfillment- post buyer's remorse. 3)Excitement- end of fun (male). |
|
|
Term
| What are the five recent changes in courting? |
|
Definition
| 1)more pre-marital sexual experimentation. 2)less formal dating. 3)gender egalitarianism. 4)Waiting longer before marriage. 5)More interracial dating. |
|
|
Term
| Why are people waiting longer to get married? |
|
Definition
| Fear of STD's, and more women being assertive and saying "no" to proposals |
|
|
Term
| What are some things that haven't changed in courting? |
|
Definition
| 1)Males have more social freedom to be promiscuous, stud vs slut. 2)Men still expected to be superior to women. |
|
|
Term
| Contrary to popular belief, what does marriage NOT do? |
|
Definition
| 1)Take years off your life. 2)Make you poor. 3)Drive you crazy. 4) Make you miserable. 5)Kill sex life. |
|
|
Term
| What benefits are there to marriage? |
|
Definition
| 1)Longer life. 2)Better off financially. 3)Psychologically healthier. 4)More content, happier. 5)More satisfying sex life. |
|
|
Term
| What is the #1 predictor of relationship failure? What is a good predictor of a healthy future relationship? |
|
Definition
| Beginning with passionate bliss and short courtship. Stronger relationships develop more slowly and are less passionate in beginning. |
|
|
Term
| What characteristics indicate deterioration in stage four? |
|
Definition
| 1)Less physical contact, self-disclosure, and quality time. 2)More fighting, unresolved conflicts. 3)No more fun. |
|
|
Term
| Do all relationships fall apart if they reach stage four? |
|
Definition
| No, good relationships pull out and return to stage 3, bad times make you stronger. "Cycle of Deterioration and repair". |
|
|
Term
| What are the four theories about how we decide to end a relationship or not? |
|
Definition
| 1)Social exchange theory. 2)Comparison Alternative Theory. 3)Expectation Fulfillment. 4)Equity Theory. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the Social Exchange Theory. What is its weakness? |
|
Definition
| When the costs of the relationship outweigh the rewards, we leave. Weakness is that it doesn't explain people who stay in bad relationships. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the Comparison Alternative Theory. What is it able to explain? |
|
Definition
| We weigh all of the "real" and "potential" options for the future, and make decisions based on that. Can explain leaving good relationship or staying in bad one. |
|
|
Term
| Explain Expectation Fulfillment. |
|
Definition
| When our expectations for a relationship aren't met, we are unhappy. (Low self-esteem doesn't expect much, so they stay in bad relationship). |
|
|
Term
| Explain the Equity Theory. |
|
Definition
| We want as much as we put into a relationship. |
|
|
Term
| What are some characteristics of people NOT getting divorced? |
|
Definition
| 1)Wealth. 2)Religion. 3)College-educated. 4)Over 25 years old. 5)Have NOT lived together before. 6)Parents not divorced. 7)Asian-American. |
|
|
Term
| What two outcomes are there from stage four? |
|
Definition
| 1)Repair and return to stage three. 2)Break-up. |
|
|
Term
| Who receives more psychological benefits from a marriage and why? |
|
Definition
| Men, because wives are a support system for them. Women do most of work in relationship and domestically, so they are getting less back than men. |
|
|
Term
| Who re-marries more quickly after a divorce? |
|
Definition
| Men, either because they need relationships more or they heal more quickly. |
|
|
Term
| What happens the longer a man spends as divorcee or widow? |
|
Definition
| Negative psychological and physical consequences. |
|
|
Term
| What are the four phases of a break-up? |
|
Definition
| 1)Intra-psychic phase. 2)Dyadic phase. 3)Social phase. 4)Grave-dressing phase. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the intra-psychic phase. |
|
Definition
| Magnifying partner's behaviors, assessing alternative options. May last for years. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the dyadic phase. |
|
Definition
| Engaging in intense relationship talk. Undoing private bonding from stage 3 (confronting partner). |
|
|
Term
| Explain the social phase. |
|
Definition
| Undoing public bonding. Making yourself look good in break-up. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the grave-dressing phase. |
|
Definition
| "Getting over" activities, like dating again. Healing. May last for years also. |
|
|
Term
| What are some popular causes for separation? |
|
Definition
| 1)Children-related problems. 2)Sex-related problems. 3)Third-party relationships. 4)Financial difficulties, strain. 5)Growing apart. |
|
|
Term
| What is the key to a healthy relationship? |
|
Definition
| Relationships must be nurtured daily, it is work! |
|
|
Term
| What are the six types of love? |
|
Definition
| 1)Eros. 2)Ludus. 3)Storge. 4)Pragma. 5)Mania. 6)Agape. |
|
|
Term
| Explain the theory of Love Types. |
|
Definition
| We all have 6 types and the degree of each makes us unique. Degrees can change with time, every relationship is different. KEY: others make us who we are in relationships. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Passionate, sexual, intense. Tough to maintain, "Hollywood love". |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Uncomfortable about commitment. Has affairs, secrets. Avoids trouble, intensity. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Peaceful, slow, not intensely passionate. FRIENDSHIP is key. Develops over time, lasts longer. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Practical, looking for "types" and stability. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Jealousy, obsession. Self-worth comes from relationship. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| Selfless love. Not worried about personal reward, only about the best for other person. |
|
|
Term
| What types of love do men usually have? |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
| What types of love do women usually have? |
|
Definition
|
|
Term
| What types of love are characterized by young vs. old relationships? |
|
Definition
| Young is eros and mania. Old is storge and agape. |
|
|
Term
| Are men or women more romantic in their concept of love? |
|
Definition
| Men. Believe in love at first sight, love can overcome anything. |
|
|
Term
| Who is more like to marry apart from love? |
|
Definition
| Women, often looking for stability. |
|
|
Term
| Why has their been a decrease in the number of friends people have today? |
|
Definition
| More working, commuting, entertainment, etc. |
|
|
Term
| What are the most popular activities between male friends, female friends, and common to both? |
|
Definition
| Males like drinking, and watching/playing sports. Females enjoy intimate talking and shopping. Both like eating. |
|
|
Term
| What are the four differences in male vs. female same sex friendships? |
|
Definition
| 1)What they talk about (internal vs. external). 2)What is central to relationship (internal vs. external). 3)How intimacy is expressed. 4)What types of friends they have (more vs. less, etc.) |
|
|
Term
| What do men vs. women enjoy talking about with their same sex friends? |
|
Definition
| Men- sports, external events. Women- themselves, others, internal events. |
|
|
Term
| When are men often most likely to be affectionate and intimate with each other? |
|
Definition
| When alcohol is involved. |
|
|
Term
| What "price" do women pay for constantly focusing on emotions and feelings? |
|
Definition
| Spend more time depressed and upset about friendships. |
|
|
Term
| Why don't men talk openly about feelings? |
|
Definition
| 1)Male competition, no weaknesses. 2)Social lessons of masculinity. 3)Homophobia. 4)Lack of role models. |
|
|
Term
| What is central to male vs. female same sex relationships? |
|
Definition
| Male- focus on activities. Females- focus on communication, connection. |
|
|
Term
| How do men vs. women express affection for their same sex friends? |
|
Definition
| Men- punching, competing, making fun of. Women- overtly stating affection. |
|
|
Term
| What types of friendships do men vs. women have in same sex relationships? |
|
Definition
| Men- more friends, less sharing with each one. More secrets. Women- fewer friends, intimate with each one. |
|
|
Term
| Why do females tend to like their male friendships? |
|
Definition
| Less emotionally intense, looking for fun and activities. |
|
|
Term
| Why do males tend to like their female friendships? |
|
Definition
| Source of self-disclosure. |
|
|
Term
| Who gets more out of an opposite sex friendship and why? |
|
Definition
| Men, because the women provide support and are good listeners. Women get less because they are mostly supporting man. |
|
|
Term
| Why do we form opposite sex friendships? |
|
Definition
| 1)Companionship. 2)Looking for long-term mates. 3)Short-term sex (male thing). 4)Physical safety (female thing). |
|
|
Term
| Where do we learn how to resolve conflicts? |
|
Definition
| Media, children's stories, family, friends/peers. |
|
|
Term
| What do people in relationships fight about, generally speaking? |
|
Definition
| The same things over and over, because the conflict never gets resolved. |
|
|
Term
| What are the 9 negative conflict resolution strategies? |
|
Definition
| 1)Avoidance. 2)Minimization. 3)Blame. 4)Emotional silencers. 5)Stockpiling. 6)Belt-lining. 7)Personal rejection. 8)Passive aggressiveness. 9)Force/violence. |
|
|
Term
| Why is minimization a poor resolution strategy? |
|
Definition
| It is important to heal after a fight, not in place of it (never gets resolved). |
|
|
Term
| What are most fights reactions to? |
|
Definition
| Extended histories of other unresolved reactions. |
|
|
Term
| Who usually uses personal rejection in conflicts? |
|
Definition
| The partner with the "upper-hand". |
|
|
Term
| What is the key to passive aggressiveness? |
|
Definition
| If you are pegged as villain, then you lose and victim wins. |
|
|
Term
| What are two easy ways to tell if your conflicts go unresolved? |
|
Definition
| 1)Partner is hurt, angry, etc. 2)Same problem repeatedly arises. |
|
|
Term
| What are the 7 rules for productive conflict resolution? |
|
Definition
| 1)Avoid 9 negative strategies. 2)Calm down. 3)Describe YOUR feelings, don't accuse. 4)Be gentle. 5)Accept other's influence, perspective. 6)Find real cause of fight. 7)Make and Accept repair attempts, During and After. |
|
|
Term
| What are the six parts to Tannen's gender-lect theory? |
|
Definition
| 1)Status vs. Support. 2)Independence vs. Intimacy. 3)Advice vs. Understanding. 4)Public vs. Private talk. 5)Orders vs. Proposals. 6)Conflict vs. Compromise. |
|
|
Term
| What motivates men's vs. women's actions according to Tannen? |
|
Definition
| Men- competing for status. Women- focusing on connection with others. |
|
|
Term
| How do men and women use their talking differently according to Tannen? |
|
Definition
| Men- use it to gain status. Females-to bond and connect. |
|
|
Term
| How do men and women differ on asking for things according to Tannen? |
|
Definition
| Men- give orders, but expect competition. Women- make proposals but expect compliance. |
|
|
Term
| How do genders differ when telling a story? |
|
Definition
| Men- short, very external. Women- long, relational descriptions. |
|
|
Term
| How do genders differ when listening? |
|
Definition
| Females- provide feedback, empathy. Males- looking for weaknesses, interrupt for combat. |
|
|
Term
| What are the weaknesses of Tannen's theory? |
|
Definition
| 1)Only describes middle-class white America. 2)Assumes that sexism isn't involved with how we speak/act. |
|
|
Term
| What are the side effects for each gender of being raised in a patriarchal society? |
|
Definition
| Men- false sense of superiority. Women- false sense of inferiority. |
|
|
Term
| What speech indications of feelings of inferiority does Lakoff find in her female students? |
|
Definition
| 1)Tag questions. 2)Disclaimers. 3)Talking around issue. 4)Vocal fillers. 5)Vocal inflection, questioning everything. 6)Excessive nodding. 7)Talk less in public settings. |
|
|
Term
| What shaped "Black English"? |
|
Definition
| Middle English and West-African coastal languages. |
|
|
Term
| What formed black dialect, how did it spread, and why is it so unique? |
|
Definition
| Slavery formed it, northern/western migration spread it, imagination/creativity constantly change it. |
|
|
Term
| What are the 7 communication differences? |
|
Definition
| 1)Black english is a dialect, not deficiency. 2)Call and response communication. 3)Personal style. 4)Styles in conflict and emotion. 5)Importance of rhythm. 6)Black vocab is dynamic. 7)Nonverbal cues. |
|
|
Term
| What is important to remember about how we think people "normally" talk? |
|
Definition
| How we talk is a dialect, just like how they talk. Even if they sound "uneducated", etc. |
|
|
Term
|
Definition
| The ability to switch between different dialects as the situation dictates. |
|
|
Term
| Where does call and response come from and where do we often see it? |
|
Definition
| Comes from Africa, often seen today in black churches, jazz. |
|
|
Term
| How do blacks and whites differ on personal style? |
|
Definition
| Whites- taught to blend in. Blacks- taught to be individual. |
|
|
Term
| How do blacks and whites differ in how they express conflicts and emotions? |
|
Definition
| Whites- stay calm, collected. Blacks- more animated and expressive, louder. |
|
|
Term
| What permeates every aspect of black culture? |
|
Definition
| The importance of rhythm. Have more syncopated communication. |
|
|
Term
| How do white and black vocab differ? |
|
Definition
| Whites- more stable vocab, encourage language as precise tool. Blacks- encourage dynamism and creativity in language. |
|
|
Term
| What are the nonverbal cues and how are blacks different than whites with them? |
|
Definition
| 1)Proxemics- closer. 2)Eye contact- less with authority figures and when listening, more when talking. 3)Gestures- use body more, handshakes, etc. 4)Touch- more touch for people they like. 5)Volume of speech- loud is honest. |
|
|
