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| Expressed struggle that occurs when people cannot agree on a way to meet their needs or goals |
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| Dependent on each other; one person’s actions affect the other person. |
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Ø Conflict is Always a Sign of a Poor Interpersonal Relationship Ø Conflict Can Always Be Avoided Ø Conflict Always Occurs Because of Misunderstandings Ø Conflict Can Always Be Resolved |
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Pseudo conflict – triggered by a lack of understanding and miscommunication Simple Conflict – stems from different ideas, definitions, perceptions, or goals |
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| For some cultures, conflict is expressive |
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| focuses on issues about the quality of the relationship and managing interpersonal tension and hostility. |
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| For other cultures, conflict is instrumental |
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Ø centers on achieving a particular goal or task and less on rational issues. |
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| Ø Conflict in which the original issue is ignored as partners attack each other’s self esteem. |
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| § flaming –sending an overly negative on-line message that personally attacks another person. |
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Term
| v Conflict as a Process (5 stage) |
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Definition
Ø Source: Prior Conditions Stage – The stage is set for conflict because of differences in the individuals’ actions or attitudes. Ø Beginning: Frustration Awareness – One individual becomes aware that the differences are problematic and becomes frustrated and angry. Ø Middle: Active Conflict – The individuals communicate with each other about the differences; the conflict becomes and expressed struggle. Ø End: Resolution – The individuals begin seeking ways to manage the conflict. Ø Aftermath: Follow Up – The individuals examine their own feelings and check with each other to monitor whether both are satisfied with resolution. |
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§ conflict that helps build new insights and establishes new patterns in a relationship. |
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| Benefits of interpersonal conflict |
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· Focuses attention on problems that may have to be solved. · Clarifies what may need to be changed · Focuses attention on what is important to you and your partner. · Clarifies who you are and what your values are · Helps you learn more about your partner · Keeps relationships interesting · Strengthens relationships by increasing your confidence that you can manage agreements |
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| conflict that dismantles rather than strengthens relationships |
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| Conflict Management Styles |
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v Conflict style is a consistent pattern or approach you use to manage disagreement with others. |
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Five Classifications of conflict styles
Avoidance |
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¨ – conflict management style that involves backing off and trying to side-step conflict. (lose-lose approach). May use the demand-withdrawal pattern – one person makes a demand and the other person avoids the conflict by changing the subject or walking away. |
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| Five Classifications of conflict styles |
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Definition
¨ Compromise – Seeks the middle ground; will give up something to get something. (lose/win-win/lose approach) ¨ Collaboration – Views conflict as a problem to be solved; negotiates to achieve a positive solution for all involved in the conflict. (win-win approach) |
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v Conflict Management Skills |
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Definition
Ø Manage Your Emotions § Be aware that you are becoming angry and emotionally volatile§ Seek to understand why you are angry and emotional§ Make a conscious decision about whether to express your anger.§ Select a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss the conflict§ Plan your message § Breathe§ Monitor nonverbal messages § Avoid personal attacks, name calling, and emotional overstatement Avoid gunny-sacking – dredging up old problems and issues from the past to use against your partner. |
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v Conflict Management Skills |
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Definition
Ø Manage Information § Clearly describe the conflict producing events § Own your statements by using descriptive I language § Use effective listening skills § Check your understanding of what others say and do Ø Be Emphatic Ø Manage Goals § Identify your goal and your partner’s goal Identify where your goals and your partner’s goals overlap. |
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v Conflict Management Skills |
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Ø Manage the Problem § Define the problem – determine the issue you disagree about § Analyze the problem – determine the causes, symptoms, effects, and obstacles § Determine the goals – Determine what you want. Determine what your partner wants. How do the goals overlap? § Generate many solutions – List many options, rather than debating one or two strategies for achieving the goal. § Select the best solution, and try it – Eliminate options that are not mutually agreeable. If possible, take the best idea(s) among those generated to reach an amicable resolution. |
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v Communicating with Prickly People |
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Definition
Ø Go to the balcony – take time to cool off – time out Ø Step to the side – by just asking questions or listening Ø Change the frame – rather than rejecting the idea, try to see it in a different way. Ø Build a golden bridge – find an alternative that allows the other person his dignity Ø Make it hard to say no |
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Term
Five Classifications of conflict styles |
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Definition
¨ Accommodation – easily gives in to the demands of others; typically wants to be liked by others. (lose-win approach) ¨ Competition – Dominates the discussion and wants to accomplish the goal even at the expense of others. (win-lose approach) |
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| connection we establish when we communicate with another person |
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| Interpersonal relationship |
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| v Perception shared by two people of an ongoing connection that results in the development of relational expectations and varies in interpersonal intimacy. |
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| Both individuals must share a perception that they are in an ongoing relationship |
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| the interpersonal relationship is a process. The relationship is dynamic, constantly changing and evolving |
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| Ø established after a relationship has developed over time – expectations specific to the relationship |
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| Ø degree to which relationship partners mutually accept and confirm each other’s sense of self. |
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v Genesis of Interpersonal Relationships: Attraction Relationship of circumstance |
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| interpersonal relationship that develops because of life’s circumstances |
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| interpersonal relationship you choose to initiate, maintain, and perhaps, terminate |
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| Degree to which you want to form or maintain an interpersonal relationship |
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| Short term initial attraction |
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| · Degree to which you sense a potential for developing a relationship |
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| Long term maintenance attraction |
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Definition
| · Level of liking or positive feelings motivating us to maintain or escalate a relationship |
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Term
| Predicted outcome value (POV) |
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Definition
| · Potential for a relationship to confirm our self-image compared to its potential costs |
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Term
| Ø Factors Leading to Short Term Initial Attraction |
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Definition
| § Proximity – Physical nearness to someone promotes communication and thus attraction§ Physical Appearance – Nonverbal cues that allow us to assess relationship potential (POV) |
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| Ø Factors Leading to Both Short Term Initial Attraction and Long Term Maintenance Attraction |
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Definition
| § Credibility, Competence, and Intelligence – Personal qualities that, in and of themselves, evoke attraction§ Self Disclosure and Reciprocation of Liking – Openness; attraction toward a person who seems attracted to us§ Similarities – Comparable personalities, values, upbringing, personal experiences, attitudes, and interests§ Differences and Complementary Needs – Appreciation of diversity; matching needs |
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Influence in Interpersonal Relationships: Power Ø Principles of Interpersonal Power |
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Definition
| § Power Exists in all interactions and relationships Power primarily derives from an individual’s ability to meet another person’s needs within a given relationship |
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Term
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Definition
| · one in which one partner has a greater need for the other to meet his or her needs |
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| Interdependent relationship |
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§ Both partners in an ongoing relationship have some degree of power · relationship in which each person has a similar amount of power over the other |
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| Principles of Interpersonal Power |
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Definition
| § Power is circumstantial§ Relational development involves a negotiation of each partner’s power |
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| Complementary relationships |
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Definition
| § one partner dominates and the other submits |
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| § both partners attempt to have the same level of power |
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| · both partners want power and control |
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| · neither partner wants power or control |
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| § power that shifts back and forth between the partners |
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| ü Legitimate power – power based on respect for the position a person holdsü Referent power – power based on attraction to another person or his or her charismaü Expert power – Power based on a person’s knowledge or experienceü Reward power – power based on a person’s ability to satisfy our needsü Coercive power – power based on the use of sanctions or punishment to influence others |
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| Ø Negotiating Power in Interpersonal Relationships |
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Definition
| § Assess Needs and Their Fulfillment in Relationships§ Identify Need Based Conflicts and Tensions§ Directly Discuss Power Issues |
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| § Friendships at Different Stages in Life |
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| · Childhood friendships – self-focused and often superficial· Adolescent friendships – peers influence social behavior. Boys often associate with others in groups, whereas girls develop deep friendships with a smaller circle of friends.· Adult friendships – other relationships may change once a person chooses a lifelong mate.· Elderly people and friendships – Old friends are valued, and friendship networks often shrink. |
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| Triangular Theory of Love |
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Definition
| Theory that suggests that all loving relationships can be described according to three dimensions: intimacy, commitment, and passion |
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| § Eros – sexual, erotic love based on the pursuit of physical beauty and pleasure.§ Ludis – Game-playing love based on the enjoyment of another.§ Storge – solid love found in friendships and family, based on trust and caring. |
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| § Mania – Obsessive love driven by mutual needs.§ Pragma – practical love based on mutual benefits.§ Agape – selfless love based on giving of yourself for others. |
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| ¨ married partners who are interdependent and who exhibit a lot of sharing and companionship. |
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Term
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| ¨ married partners who exhibit sharing and companionship and are psychologically interdependent but allow each other individual space. |
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| married partners who support the notion of marriage and family, but stress the individual over the couple |
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Term
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| married couple in which the husband and wife each adopt a different perspective (traditional, independent, separate) on the marriage. |
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| connection we establish when we communicate with another person |
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Term
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| Ø Behavior other than written or spoken language that creates meaning for someone.§ All communication has both a content and relationship dimension§ Nonverbal communication is a primary source of relationship cues |
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| Ø Process of selecting, attending to, creating meaning from, remembering, and responding to verbal and nonverbal messages. |
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| § Selecting - Sorting through various sounds that compete for your attention.§ Attending - Focusing on a particular sound or message.§ Understanding – assigning meaning to sound.§ Remembering – recalling information§ Responding – Confirming your understanding of a message. |
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Definition
| Ø Hearing – Physiological process of decoding sounds. |
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