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He still smokes this foul old stuff. I used to hate it at first, but you get used to it. |
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I went to the pictures last week, and some old man was smoking it in front, a few rows away. I actually got up, and sat right behind him. |
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Here, have this, it usually seems to help. |
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are you sure you're all right now? |
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It was just- oh, everything. It’s my own fault- entirely. I must be mad, coming here like this. I’m sorry, Helena. |
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Why should you be sorry, you of all people- |
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because it was unfair and cruel of me to come back... Suspended and rather remote. You make a good cup of tea. |
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Something Jimmy taught me. |
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Oh, why am I here! You must all wish me a thousand miles away! |
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I don't wish anything of the kind. You've more right to be here than I. |
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Oh, Helena, don’t bring out the book of rules- |
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You are his wife, aren't you? Whatever I have done, I've never been able to forget that fact. You have all the rights- |
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Helena- even I gave up believing in the divine rights of marriage long ago. Even before I met Jimmy. They’ve got something different now- constitutional monarchy. You are where you are by consent. And if you start trying any strong arm stuff, you’re out. And I’m out. |
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Is that something you learnt from him? |
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Don't make me feel like a blackmailer or something, please!... any kind of breach between you and Jimmy. You must believe that. |
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Oh, I believe it all right. That's why everything seems more wrong and terrible than ever. You didn't even reproach me. You should have been outraged, but you weren't. I feel so- ashamed. |
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You talk as though he were something you’d swindled me out of- |
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And you talk as if he were a book or something you pass around to anyone who happens to want it for five minutes. What's the matter with you? You sound as though you were quoting him all the time. I thought you told me once you couldn't bring yourself to believe in him. |
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I don't think I ever believed your way, either. |
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At least, I still believe in right and wrong! Not even the months in this madhouse have stopped me doing that. Even though everything I have done is wrong, at least I have known it was wrong. |
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You loved him, didn't you? That's what you wrote, and told me. |
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It was pretty difficult to believe at the time. I couldn't understand it. |
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I could hardly believe it myself. |
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Afterwards, it wasn't quite so difficult. You used to say some pretty harsh things about him. Not that I was sorry to hear them- they were rather comforting then. But you even shocked me sometimes. |
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I suppose I was a little over-emphatic. There doesn't seem much point in trying to explain everything, does there? |
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Do you know- I have discovered what is wrong with Jimmy? It's very simple really. He was born out of his time. |
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There's no place for people like that any longer- in sex, or politics, or anything. That's why he's so futile. Sometimes, when I listen to him, I feel he thinks he's still in the middle of the French Revolution. And that's where he ought to be, of course. He doesn't know where he is, or where he's going. He'll never do anything, and he'll never amount to anything. |
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I suppose he’s what you’d call an Eminent Victorian. Slightly comic- in a way… We seem to have had this conversation before. |
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Yes, I remember everything you said about him. It horrified me. I couldn't believe that you could have married someone like that. Alison- it's all over between Jimmy and me. I can see it now. I've got to get out. No- listen to me. When I saw you standing there tonight, I knew that it was all utterly wrong. That I didn't believe in any of this, and not Jimmy or anyone could make me believe otherwise. How could I have ever thought that I could get away with it! He wants one world and I want another, and lying in that bed won't ever change it! I believe in good and evil, and I don't have to apologize for that. It's quite a modern, scientific believe, so they tell me. And, by everything I have ever believed in, or wanted, what I have been doing is wrong and evil. |
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Helena- you're not going to leave him? |
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Yes, I am. Oh, I'm not stepping aside to let you come back. You can do what you like. Frankly, I think you'd be a fool- but that's your own business. I think I've given you enough advice. |
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But he- he'll have no one. |
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Oh, my dear, he'll find somebody. He'll probably hold court here like one of the Renaissance popes. Oh, I know I'm throwing the book of rules at you, as you call it, but, believe me, you're never going to be happy without it. I tried throwing it away all these months, but I know now it just doesn't work. When you came in at that door, ill and tired and hurt, it was all over for me. You see- I didn't know about the baby. It was such a shock. It's like a judgment on us. |
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You saw me, and I had to tell you what happened. I lost the child. It's a simple fact. There is no judgment, there's no blame- |
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Maybe not. But I feel it just the same. |
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But don't you see? It isn't logical! |
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No, it isn't. But I know it's right. |
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Helena, you mustn't leave him. He needs you, I know he needs you- |
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Maybe you're not the right one for him- we're neither of us right- |
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Oh why doesn't he stop that damned noise |
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he wants something quite different from us... but give him a little longer- |
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please! will you stop that! i can't think! Jimmy, for God's sake! Jimmy, I want to speak to you. |
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"is your friend still with you" |
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oh don't be an idiot, and come in here! |
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he doesn't want to see me. |
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stay where you are and don't be silly. I'm sorry. It won't be very pleasant, but I've made up my mind to go, and I've got to tell him now. |
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