Term
| Understand the institutional nature of marriage (marriage as a means, as well as end). |
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Definition
Means = (Process of accomplishing a goal) Way of growing and developing to become the people we need to become to inherit eternal life. Eternal Marriage is a type/quality of marriage (not always referring to the length)
End = Salvation, becoming like Heavenly Father |
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Term
| The 3 views of marriage (pyramid figure) |
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Definition
| - (From bottom to top) Divine Institution, Social Institution, Couple Relationship |
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Term
| Be able to teach someone what it means to say that marriage is a divine institution. |
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Definition
- an institution means an established law, custom, or practice- marriage has been a law divinely decreed upon us, we have been made for this reason
- It is seen as a sacred system established by our Heavenly Father, with divinely decreed laws and practices, which are intended to bring about His eternal purposes. |
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Term
| The three “pillars of eternity” and how they relate to family life (processes vs. events). |
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Definition
- Creation, Fall, Atonement
= the three processes that lead to marriage (the divine end) |
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Term
| The nature of eternal life and the nature of eternal families. |
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Definition
-Eternal life is family life; “Eternal life means to become like the Father and to live in families in happiness and joy forever”-Pres. Eyring
-Family life here is the schoolroom in which we prepare for a family life there. And to give us the opportunity for family life there was and is the purpose of creation.
- We are to live like the father
- Eternal life has to do with how we live, not where we live
- Links of the chain= sealing spouses |
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Term
| The three grand prizes of mortal life.(the main purpose in life is to become like our Heavenly Parents in these three ways) |
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Definition
-obtain a physical body
-seek spiritual growth
-initiate an eternal family (the divine end) |
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Term
| Explain how discipleship and consecration influence our dating, courtship, and marriage. |
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Definition
- faith has everything to do with your romance, Jesus Christ is the only light by which we can the true path of love and happiness for you and your sweetheart.
- Family Proclamation: “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” |
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Term
| Describe how faith, hope, and charity are relationship principles. |
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Definition
- having faith will provide us with the testimony that our course is pleasing to the sight of God, with faith we cannot fear
-think of these principles as a couple act rather than just how they apply to you personally |
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Term
| Describe the difference between becoming and doing in our discipleship. |
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Definition
- it is not enough for us to just go through the motions, we will be judged on what we have become
- the final judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts – what we have done. It is an acknowledgement of the final effects of our acts and thoughts – what we have become
-not just having a temple marriage but what kind of temple marriage you have |
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Term
| Be able to teach someone what it means to say that marriage is an ordinance and a covenant. |
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Definition
- Ordinance= a sacred formal act performed by the priesthood, Ordinance= having the power of God manifested in our lives
-covenant= we are sealed by the holy spirit of promise |
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Term
| Describe and explain the divine triangle of marriage. |
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Definition
| - the triangle is made up of God, our self, and our spouse ( in the center is our Rites, not our rights) |
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Term
| Explain how the parable of the good shepherd applies to understanding the marriage covenant. |
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Definition
- the good shepherd gives his life for the sheep
- the good shepherd, instead of doing it because they have to (out of constraint), they do it out of Devotion=want to (motivation to build, willingness to sacrifice for the partner) |
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Term
| Describe what distinguishes a “hireling spouse” from a “shepherd spouse” |
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Definition
- a hireling runs when the wolves come into the marriage
-a shepherd stays and protects the spouse so much that they will sacrifice everything for them |
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Term
| Explain how a covenant differs from a contract. |
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Definition
-Shepherd=covenant
-hireling=contract |
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Term
| Explain the doctrines of cleaving, spousal preeminence, and creating a marital identity. |
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Definition
- cleaving= to remain attached and faithful to your spouse, and nothing else, confiding solely in your spouse
-our spouse is preeminent above all else, even our children and our parents |
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Term
| Pres. Kimball’s counsel on cleaving for newly married couples. |
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Definition
| when you as a couple have differences or quarrels with one another, work them out together, don’t share them or go to someone else for tips and confide in them for help |
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Term
| Understand and be able to explain the interdependent nature of wives’ and husbands’ stewardships. |
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Definition
- husbands (3p's)= provide, protect, and to preside
+provide the necessities of life, minister, lead family worship, provide temporal support, spiritual and physical protection
-wives (1n)=nurture
+Nurturing refers to parenting behaviors such as warmth, support, bonding, attachment, recognizing each child’s unique abilities, and attending to children’s needs
-both are to help one another as equal partners |
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Term
| The true meaning of the terms: help meet |
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Definition
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Term
| Be able to distinguish between the presiding in the home vs. presiding in the church. |
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Definition
-government of the family is patriarchal
-government of the Church is hierarchical
+The concept of partnership functions differently in the family than in the Church |
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Term
| multifaceted nature of nurturing |
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Definition
| nurturing of the body, mind and spirit. |
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Term
| the principle of sequential living. |
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Definition
| President Faust’s counsel: we can fill many roles just not all at the same time; gives opportunity to do each thing well—“she need not try to sing all the verses of her song at the same time.” |
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Term
| Research perspectives on marital equality |
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Definition
- there is no hierarchy they walk side by side
-Increased Marital equality=increased couple intimacy, relationship satisfaction, mental health, etc. (better for the couple and the individual) |
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Term
| The five P’s of equal partnership |
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Definition
-power
-purpose
-possibility
-participation
-prominence |
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Term
| Understand the moral nature of sexual intimacy and its purposes in God’s plan. |
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Definition
-more than abstinence before marriage
-Begins with the spirit not the body
-sexuality is a means to divinity, not an end.
-It makes a complete soul and union
-God himself implanted these desires |
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Term
| Describe what it means to say that we are sexual beings. |
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Definition
-sex is god-created, god-ordained, and god-blessed
-God is a sexual being which gives an example to how we ought to use our sexual natures |
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Term
| the doctrine of the soul as it pertains to sexual intimacy. |
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Definition
| - toying with the body is toying with their soul, the body and the soul are one, so it then puts our own soul at stake! |
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Term
| the doctrine of the symbol related to sexual intimacy in marriage. |
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Definition
| -Sexual intimacy is a symbol of total union and when just done for the physical aspect of it, fragmentation of the behavior and true meaning happens. |
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Term
| Understand the sacramental nature of sexual intimacy in marriage. |
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Definition
- human intimacy is a sacrament. …a sacrament could be any one of a number of gestures or acts or ordinances that unite us with God and his limitless power.”
“…you will never be more like God at any other time in this life than when you are expressing that particular power.” |
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Term
| Describe the risk of premarital sexual intimacy (sexual fragmentation, counterfeit intimacy). |
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Definition
-receiving only fragments of our relationship, we at best, miss full relationships. At worst, we manipulate and exploit others for our gratification.
-Sexual fragmentation can be particularly harmful because it gives powerful physiological rewards which, though illusionary, can temporarily persuade us to overlook the serious deficits in the overall relationship. Holland called it moral schizophrenia |
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Term
Modern Threats to Marriage (Cherlin)
What is the de-institutionalization of marriage is and the trends that have brought it about. |
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Definition
- it is more about the individual now
- people are more accepting of it now than before.
- Changing Division of Labor in the Home
- Out-of-Wedlock Childbirth (+40%)
- cohabitation is increasing +70%
- high divorce, declining marriage rate |
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Term
| The transitions in meaning of marriage from “institutional” to “companionate” to “individualized.” |
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Definition
| it is going from an institution to a companionship to now individualized |
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Term
“paradigms of modernity”
Secularism |
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Definition
| answers to life are found through rational means, denies the spiritual |
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Term
“paradigms of modernity”
Individualism |
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Definition
| the family fulfills the needs of the individual not vice versa |
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Term
“paradigms of modernity”
Materialism |
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Definition
| happiness comes from accumulation of things |
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Term
“paradigms of modernity”
Hedonism |
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Definition
| pleasure seekers, good= fun, pleasurable things, bad= things that aren’t fun |
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Term
| Be able to identify risks in the modern culture that are threats to forming loving and lasting marriages. |
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Definition
| - transition of loss rather than gain, many believe it will lead to a loss of freedom, resources, schedule, happiness |
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Term
| the health benefits of marriage (physical, psychological, sexual, financial, etc.). |
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Definition
| - you will live longer, suffer less from illness, recover quicker, fewer risk taking behaviors, have higher well-being, suffer less from depression and other psychiatric problems |
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Term
| Explain the selection vs. causation ? theories of the link between marriage and health – which theory is best supported by research findings? |
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Definition
- Causation is supported by research findings
- It appears that there is something about being married, and something about being unmarried that affects health and well-being.
- better off economically, save more, barrier against poverty, more fulfilled sexually
- marriage is PUBLIC good |
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Term
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Definition
| amae refers to one’s inherent need or “longing” to receive affection or feel a sense of belonging. i.e. a mother’s new infant feels large amounts of amae |
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Term
| What is meant by the phrase – “freedom through emotional security” (freedom for vs. freedom from). |
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Definition
- it captures a positive look on belonging, not being free because you are dependent, but being free because you have people to depend on
-the at-one-ment of Jesus Christ, offers the assurance of returning us to unity with God in eternal satisfaction of our amae |
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Term
| What is the difference of seeing self-esteem as a root versus a fruit of connection in relationships? |
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Definition
| It is something that should be acquired before entering into a relationship--not something that is created by the relationship. Have a firm base in yourself--i.e. a root |
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Term
| The key aspects of our true identity – divine heritage, divine nature, & divine destiny. |
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Definition
o Divine heritage – literal offspring of deity
o Divine nature – present
o Divine destiny – heir of eternal life and all that God has |
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Term
| Describe the difference between worth and worthiness |
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Definition
o Our worthiness depends on us
o Every individual is endowed with infinite worth that cannot be enhanced or diminished by any action or behavior |
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Term
| identify several false foundations of self-esteem that are common today. |
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Definition
o Don’t believe that you are better than other people because of things you possess or can do better, etc. (pride)
o Don’t believe that you are worth less than other people by comparing yourself to them
(this was discussed in class from a talk by Elder Uchtdorf) |
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Term
| Describe the difference between a “finding approach” and a “becoming approach” to marriage. |
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Definition
- two views: how do I find the right person or match with the right person vs. how can I become the right person and commit to them
- that list of things we hope to find in our future spouse? that needs to be for us, You become what you hope your spouse will be and you’ll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.
-becoming should precede finding |
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Term
| Be able to describe the four primary “domains” in the ecology of marriage (tree model). |
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Definition
soil= family background, family experience
roots= personal readiness
climate= external factors, social context
trunk= couple processes
fruit= marital outcomes |
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Term
| Be able to distinguish between the proximal and distal factors in the ecology of marriage (4 factors). |
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Definition
distal= family origin and social context
proximal=couple processes and personal readiness |
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Term
| What does it mean for marriage readiness to recognize that family life is generational. |
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Definition
- how I think in my relationship is a window to my background experiences and impact from my family experiences
-each generation transmits lifestyle from one generation to the next, understanding where I got my standards and why I feel a certain way is because of how I was brought up
-find the appropriate balance of stability and change |
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Term
| Be able to explain the principles of intergenerational transmission and transitional characters. |
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Definition
-intergenerational means the transmitting of lifestyle from one generation to the next Examples would be: Beliefs (Ideologies & values), Behaviors patterns (ways of doing things), Communication (skills & handling differences), Emotions (intimacy & handling stress).
- transitional characters= in a single generation, they change the course of an entire lineage. Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives. |
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Term
| Be able to describe common factors of marriage success related to the family of origin domain (soil). |
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Definition
- personal commitment (both feet in), relationship skills, and strong personal security (Emotional Regulation [Anger, Sadness, Anxiety] and Vulnerability, Self-Worth, Trusting, and Disclosure)
-quality of family life, parent child relationship, love and nurturing |
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Term
| Be able to explain research findings on the intergenerational transmission of divorce and the factors that moderate this pattern. |
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Definition
| - it is true that many do divorce if their parents were divorced, but it is also true that many of them also do not divorce, the change comes in when the commitment to marriage changes |
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Term
| Be able to describe common factors of marriage success related to mature love. |
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Definition
cognitive (attitudes)
behavior (actions)
emotion (feelings) |
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Term
| The difference of seeing communication as a root versus a fruit of other-centeredness in marriage |
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Definition
| -it’s really about listening and understanding and then from that we will receive effective communication |
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Term
| Be able to describe Fowers’ four marital virtues. |
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Definition
-friendship-embodied in the characteristics of caring, helpfulness, and companionship
-generosity-exhibited when spouses give freely to one another, forgive each other and see the best in each other
-fairness-fostered when spouses are equal partners and share the work of family life together
-loyalty-exhibited when spouses are committed to the relationship despite difficulties. |
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Term
Be able to distinguish between mature love and immature love.
immature: |
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Definition
emotions: Possessiveness Jealousy Infatuation Preoccupation Anxiety
cognitive:love is external, out of your control
behavior: Selfish, Lustful, Self Needs Clinging Demanding |
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Term
| What are the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral features of mature love that sustains marriage. |
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Definition
emotions (feelings-heart) : Lasting Passion, Companionship, Contentment
cognitive (attitudes-mind) : love is chosen, commitment, trust, sharing, sacrifice
behavior (actions-strength) :Environment of Development, Allow space for growth |
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Term
| Explain the concept of empathetic listening. |
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Definition
| Empathetic listening is effective listening in relationships. The other person doesn't feel judged and feels that you understand what they are saying. |
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Term
| Describe different styles of ineffective and poor listening. |
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Definition
| -to believe that communication is just about talking is a key mistake, not focusing on the speaker |
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Term
| Be able to list the 8 ways to be a better listener we discussed in class. |
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Definition
stop talking
put the speaker at ease
pay attention to nonverbal cues
listen for what is not said
know what they are saying
be patient, don’t interrupt
empathize
control your temper |
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Term
| Explain the concept of clear-sending communication. |
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Definition
| we must be authentic- say what we mean and mean what we say WITH regard to their feelings |
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Term
| Be able to explain the concept of love-languages, authenticity, and I-Statements. |
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Definition
-I-Statements- describe your ideas and feelings, build trust through disclosure while inviting open disclosures from others.
-be able to take responsibility for your actions and feelings
- love-languages are true, but remember to send as specifically as you can and receive as broad as you can
- be authentic … never be fake, be deceptive, or pretend |
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