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The Bro Code
Guidelines for AWESOMENESS
160
Other
Professional
10/24/2008

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Cards

Term
Article: I
Definition
Bros before ho's.
Term
Article: II
Definition
A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.
Term
Article: III
Definition
If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown.
Term
Article: IV
Definition
A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. it is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason...no, not even that reason.
Term
Article: V
Definition
Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.
Term
Article: VI
Definition
A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room.
Term
Article: VII
Definition
A Bro never admits he can't drive stick. Even after an accident.
Term
Article: VIII
Definition
A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.
Term
Article: IX
Definition
Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three!" or "Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball." it's still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking, of course.
Term
Article: X
Definition
A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.
Term
Article: XI
Definition
A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are--in most cases, stuck in a doorway.
Term
Article: XII
Definition
Bros do not share dessert.
Term
Article: XIII
Definition
All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman.
Term
Article: XIV
Definition
If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the Brode of Silence and play dumb. Better to have a woman think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.
Term
Article: XV
Definition
A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.
Term
Article: XVI
Definition
A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year.
Term
Article: XVII
Definition
A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming.
Term
Article: XVIII
Definition
If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.
Term
Article: XIX
Definition
A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sister's hot!"
Term
Article: XX
Definition
A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.
Term
Article: XXI
Definition
A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying, "She's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.
Term
Article: XXII
Definition
There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.
Term
Article: XXIII
Definition
When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions, surgery programs.
Term
Article: XXIV
Definition
When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
Term
Article: XXV
Definition
A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girl's name.
Term
Article: XXVI
Definition
Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.
Term
Article: XXVII
Definition
A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.
Term
Article: XXVIII
Definition
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.
Term
Article: XXIX
Definition
If Two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM. Also, despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.
Term
Article: XXX
Definition
A Bro doesn't comparison shop.
Term
Article: XXXI
Definition
When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.
Term
Article: XXXII
Definition
A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.
Term
Article: XXXIII
Definition
When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.
Term
Article: XXXIV
Definition
Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway.
Term
Article: XXXV
Definition
A Bro never rents a chick flick.
Term
Article: XXXVI DD
Definition
When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries a fake breasts.
Term
Article: XXXVII
Definition
A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly, they're not that heavy.
Term
Article: XXXVIII
Definition
Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.
Term
Article: XXXIX
Definition
When a Bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.
Term
Article: XL
Definition
Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."
Term
Article: XLI
Definition
A Bro never cries.
Term
Article: XLII
Definition
Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or Bro hug, but never a full embrace.
Term
Article: XLIII
Definition
A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
Term
Article: XLIV
Definition
A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.
Term
Article: XLV
Definition
A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.
Term
Article: XLVI
Definition
If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 dresses. See Article XXXV.
Term
Article: XLVII
Definition
A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.
Term
Article: XLVIII
Definition
A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.
Term
Article: XLIX
Definition
When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it.
Term
Article: L
Definition
If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.
Term
Article: LI
Definition
A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.
Term
Article: LII
Definition
A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him.
Term
Article: LIII
Definition
Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.
Term
Article: LIV
Definition
A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).
Term
Article: LV
Definition
Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.
Term
Article: LVI
Definition
A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
Term
Article: LVII
Definition
A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
Term
Article: LVIII
Definition
a Bro doesn't grow a mustache.
Term
Article: LIX
Definition
A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive.
Term
Article: LX
Definition
A Bro shall honor thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
Term
Article: LXI
Definition
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
Term
Article: LXII
Definition
In the event that two Bros lock on the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal lengths, a game of discreet Broshambo shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.
Term
Article: LXIII
Definition
A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.
Term
Article: LXVI
Definition
A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.
Term
Article: LXV
Definition
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.
Term
Article: LXVI
Definition
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship of a lady friend, his Bros shall offer no more than a "That sucks man" and copious quantities of beer. To eliminate the possibility of any awkward moments in the future, his Bros shall also refrain from any pejorative commentary--deserved or not--regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite backslide window has fully closed.
Term
Article: LXVII
Definition
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
Term
Article: LXVIII
Definition
If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to insure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own personal records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent.
Term
Article: LXIX
Definition
Duh.
Term
Article: LXX
Definition
A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bros trip or general well-being.
Term
Article: LXXI
Definition
As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.
Term
Article: LXXII
Definition
A Bor never spell checks.
Term
Article: LXXIII
Definition
When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in a time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather than enormously relieved.
Term
Article: LXXIV
Definition
At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way, if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.
Term
Article: LXXV
Definition
A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.
Term
Article: LXXVI
Definition
If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you," he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic, Barry White-esque tone.
Term
Article: LXXVII
Definition
Bros don't cuddle.
Term
Article: LXXVIII
Definition
A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman.
Term
Article: LXXIX
Definition
At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall lightheartedly pretend he's not horrified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.
Term
Article: LXXX
Definition
A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the tricycle himself.
Term
Article: LXXXI
Definition
A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.
Term
Article: LXXXII
Definition
If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to "take it back" or "apologize" to make amends. That's inhuman.
Term
Article: LXXXIII
Definition
A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever "love" thy neighbor. in particular, a Bro shall never mix-it-up romantically with a co-worker.
Term
Article: LXXXIV
Definition
A Bro shall stop whatever he is doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV.
Term
Article: LXXXV
Definition
If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.
Term
Article: LXXXVI
Definition
When a Bro meets a chick, he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy scale before pursuing her.
Term
Article: LXXXVII
Definition
A Bro never questions another Bros stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. he can, however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.
Term
Article: LXXXIII
Definition
If a Bro, for whatever reason, must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogramed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.
Term
Article: LXXXIX
Definition
A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.
Term
Article: XC
Definition
A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one or more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six-pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.
Term
Article: XCI
Definition
If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.
Term
Article: XCII
Definition
A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance.
Term
Article: XCIII
Definition
Bros don't speak French to one another.
Term
Article: XCIV
Definition
If a Bro is in a bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss in a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees.
Term
Article: XCV
Definition
A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman, regardless whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally.
Term
Article: XCVI
Definition
Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.
Term
Article: XCVII
Definition
Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.
Term
Article: XCVIII
Definition
A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event.
Term
Article: XCIX
Definition
A Bro never asks for directions when lost.
Term
Article: C
Definition
When pulling up to a stop light, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.
Term
Article: CI
Definition
If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to the grave. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.
Term
Article: CII
Definition
A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
Term
Article: CIII
Definition
A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.
Term
Article: CIV
Definition
The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing... provided she looks good in it... but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.
Term
Article: CV
Definition
If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No big whoop.
Term
Article: CVI
Definition
Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.
Term
Article: CVII
Definition
A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.
Term
Article: CVIII
Definition
If a Bro forgets a guy's name, he may call him "brah," "dude," or "man," but never "Bro."
Term
Article: CIX
Definition
When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any rankings to the contrary.
Term
Article: CX
Definition
If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensue the desired outcome.
Term
Article: CXI
Definition
If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his e-mail, but the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry e-mails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.
Term
Article: CXII
Definition
A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar.
Term
Article: CXIII
Definition
A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a younger chick.
Term
Article: CXIV
Definition
If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.
Term
Article: CXV
Definition
A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros.
Term
Article: CXVI
Definition
A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bro's chances to score with a chick.
Term
Article: CXVII
Definition
A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fool's errand of getting up to manually change the channel.
Term
Article: CXVIII
Definition
When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.
Term
Article: CXIX
Definition
When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a brotorcycle.
Term
Article: CXX
Definition
A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.
Term
Article: CXXI
Definition
Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.
Term
Article: CXXII
Definition
A Bro is always psyched. Always.
Term
Article: CXXIII
Definition
Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It," which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.
Term
Article: CXXIV
Definition
If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
Term
Article: CXXV
Definition
If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.
Term
Article: CXXVI
Definition
In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
Term
Article: CXXVII
Definition
A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.
Term
Article: CXXVIII
Definition
A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination, or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, it's preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.
Term
Article: CXXIX
Definition
If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.
Term
Article: CXXX
Definition
If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.
Term
Article: CXXXI
Definition
While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so form inside the car, where he is not visible to passerby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.
Term
Article: CXXXII
Definition
If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancee and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.
Term
Article: CXXXIII
Definition
A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.
Term
Article: CXXXIV
Definition
A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.
Term
Article: CXXXV
Definition
If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction, or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.
Term
Article: CXXXVI
Definition
When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an uninterested "It was okay."
Term
Article: CXXXVII
Definition
When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.
Term
Article: CXXXVIII
Definition
A Real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.
Term
Article: CXXXIX
Definition
Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro."
Term
Article: CXL
Definition
A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date.
Term
Article: CXLI
Definition
A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) it's been longer than a month since his last manicure. it's called the Bro Code, not the Slob Code.
Term
Article: CXLII
Definition
A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.
Term
Article: CXLIII
Definition
When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.
Term
Article: CXLIV
Definition
It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-the floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wrestling to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided, each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.
Term
Article: CXLV
Definition
A Bro es never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text, or e-mail in a timely fashion.
Term
Article: CXLVI
Definition
A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros.
Term
Article: CXLVII
Definition
If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his back.
Term
Article: CXLVIII
Definition
A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyche, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.
Term
Article: CXLIX
Definition
A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.
Term
Article: CL
Definition
No sex with your Bro's ex.
Term
Amendment: I
Definition
A Bro is entitled to have sex with his Bro's ex if she initiates it, she is really hot, or his Bro is out of town or in a different room.
Term
Amendment: II
Definition
If a Bro writes and directs a trilogy of awesome space themed sagas that define a generation's childhood, he is forbidden from later tarnishing that legacy by crapping out a prequel trilogy that forces Bro s to specify "Episodes 4 to 6" or "the real trilogy" when referencing what was once a perfect series of movies, regardless of how anyone feels about Ewoks.
Term
Amendment: III
Definition
Should a Bro become aware that his Bro has a really hot sister (a nine or higher), she is no longer protected under Article XIX: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. That said, a Bro should reevaluate if the sister kind of resembles his Bro in a wig.
Term
Amendment: IV
Definition
A Bro shall never turn away a Bro who shows up uninvited at his door with a box of porn.
Term
Amendment: V
Definition
If your Bro finds himself living with a chick, it is no longer acceptable for you to show up uninvited at his door with a box of porn.
Term
Amendment: VI
Definition
Okay, if a Bro desperately needs to stash his porn somewhere, he is allowed to show up uninvited at his Bro's door with a box of porn, even if his Bro is living with a chick. Since the Bro's connection with his porn undoubtedly constitutes an older and more meaningful relationship, the box of porn is afforded right of way over the live-in girlfriend, despite the box of pron's inability to get super pissed and withhold sex for the night.
Term
Amendment: VII
Definition
(Write in your own so that later--when called upon--you can cite the Bro Code.)
Term
Amendment: VIII
Definition
A Bro may toss the Bro Code out the window if Scandinavian twins are involved in any capacity.
Term
Amendment: IX
Definition
A Bro is allowed to play air guitar, provided that the air guitar is made of plastic and connected to a video game system.
Term
Amendment: X
Definition
A Bro is allowed to publish The Bro Code if he stands to make a profit on it.
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