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JEFF: You could be in the concert field, Hannibal--if you worked at it. |
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Oh you're so right, Jeff. Golden fingertips. I simply surrender to it. I'm a rag. |
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HANNIBAL: Bach. With variations of my own. |
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Mathematics' loss was certainly our gain. |
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SAVAGE: Thank you--now I'm straight. |
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Give him a fraction to multiply. |
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FLORENCE: Their boys aren't very bright, but they're such gentlemen. |
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Oh, that reminds me. May we ask you a personal question, Mrs. Savage? |
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SAVAGE: Well, if being on the stage makes you an actress--then I guess it's true. |
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Miss Willie--she's the bird Florence mentioned--told us that you'd been on the New York stage. |
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SAVAGE: The first was "Macbeth." |
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Oh, I adore "Macbeth." All that blood. I sent a pint of my blood to the Red Cross once. They sent it back. |
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SAVAGE: --but they cast me as a witch. |
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But you're a perfect witch! |
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Please speak some witch talk for us. |
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SAVAGE: It's the first play that ever closed before the reviews were out. |
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SAVAGE: So I decided I'd write a play and star myself. |
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SAVAGE: He was right. We ran a year. |
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SAVAGE: ..."I stole the plot from "Madame X," and that's only forty years old. |
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Wouldn't you think they'd know? |
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SAVAGE: It said I brought something new to the theater. |
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SAVAGE: Oh well. My turn is coming. |
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I don't think it was very nice of your daughter. (sees SAVAGE pick up newspaper) Don't! Don't do it! Please don't! |
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FLORENCE: Fairy--what is wrong? |
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Definition
Look--Mrs. Savage is going to read the newspaper. |
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JEFF: You mustn't read it. |
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Definition
It will only make you unhappy. |
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SAVAGE: What are you waiting for? |
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Definition
Why, naturally we're waiting for--what do we wait for, Hannibal? |
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FLORENCE: We're only trying to help you. |
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HANNIBAL: Florence is right. |
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Definition
Well--if you read anything unpleasant--don't tell us. |
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SAVAGE: Is anything wrong with the set? |
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Definition
I don't think so. Of course, it hasn't any tubes. |
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Definition
It's easily ten chairs high. |
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HANNIBAL: You'll like it here after a while. |
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Definition
Except in January--the rooms get a little cold. |
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Please don't say anything mean. (Buzzer) Oh, do be still! |
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FLORENCE: You can plant anything you wish--vegetables or flowers. |
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Definition
Last year I planted bird seed to see what would come up. |
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FLORENCE: What did come up, Fairy? |
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Definition
Nothing. But it was a rich horticultural experience. |
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SAVAGE: Oh, I believe in wearing a carpet out evenly. |
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Definition
Oh, how prudent. I'm going to help you. |
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SAVAGE: But don't you have to garden? |
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Definition
This is more constructive. |
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SAVAGE: But I didn't mean to start a procession. |
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Definition
Come, boys, many feet make light work! |
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HANNIBAL: --most women lead us in circles. |
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Definition
Go ahead, Mrs. Savage. We're behind you. |
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SAVAGE: But... I feel like the pied piper. |
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Definition
You step on leaves, Jeff--Hannibal can take buds--Mrs. Savage can have roses--and the rest of us will walk on thorns. Do you know what we're doing Miss Willie? |
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WILLIE: Wearing out the carpet evenly? |
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WILLIE: Didn't I hear the buzzer ring Garden Hour? |
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Definition
I didn't hear it. I think it's broken. |
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WILLIE: Fairy--aren't you ashamed? |
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FLORENCE: I don't want anything to die. |
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Oh, that's so true. Florence wouldn't hurt a fly. She catches them and puts them out the window. Flies adore her. |
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I'm not disturbing you, am I? |
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SAVAGE: What's the matter Fairy May? |
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Definition
Nothing. It's just that no one has said they loved me this live-long day. |
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SAVAGE: Why, yes, they have, Fairy. |
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Definition
Oh, no they haven't. I've been waiting. |
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SAVAGE: I heard Florence say it at the dinner table. |
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SAVAGE: She said, Don't eat to fast, Fairy. |
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Was that saying she loved me? |
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SAVAGE: There're hundreds of ways of wording it--you just have to listen for it, my dear. |
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Definition
My dentist said I had perfect occlusion. Do you think he was telling me he loved me? |
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SAVAGE: I knew immediately he loved me. |
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Definition
Oh, thank you. I've been missing so much. Oh! My dentist loves me. |
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SAVAGE: Now--what else would you like me to clear up for you? |
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Definition
Nothing. I'm sorry I disturbed you. Thank you and forgive me. |
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HANNIBAL: I'll keep score after this. |
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May I interrupt you for a moment? |
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There IS one other thing you can clear up for me. Why is it suddenly Sunday again when it was Sunday only yesterday? |
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SAVAGE: Why do you think it's Sunday? |
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Definition
If your children are coming to visit you--it must be Sunday, because that's visitor's day. I guess I had an awfully good time this week. |
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SAVAGE: My brood are coming back because they couldn't wait a week. |
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Definition
That should make you happy. |
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SAVAGE: It should, but it doesn't. |
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Definition
Excuse me. Don't you like them? |
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SAVAGE: --and she bit me every day until she was ten. |
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Definition
That must've made you very highstrung. |
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JEFF: The other son's a judge, isn't he? |
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SAVAGE: He has the distinction of having had more of his decisions reversed than any other man in jurisprudence. |
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Definition
Is the daughter pretty, Mrs. Savage? |
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FLORENCE: People are always pinned under trucks. |
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Definition
I'll peek first to make sure it isn't horrible. |
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SAVAGE: Well--even I don't say it's horrible. |
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Oh! She's a queen! She's wearing a crown! |
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JEFF: Let's take a quick look, Hannibal. Just to be polite. |
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SAVAGE: She discarded the Prince a good six husbands ago. |
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SAVAGE: Hell hath no music like a woman playing second fiddle. |
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HANNIBAL: The dress is cut rather low, isn't it? |
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Definition
I don't like her. Let's do something mean to her. |
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Definition
Oh, I don't mean really mean--something like--like putting her picture on the dart board and throwing darts at it! |
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FLORENCE: Fairy, you're an evil girl to think up such a thing. |
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Definition
Don't you talk to me like that--I'm sensitive! |
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SAVAGE: Let's see now--what can I pin it up with? |
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Definition
Mrs. Paddy has some thumbtacks. |
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FLORENCE: Oh Fairy, I'm so disappointed in you. |
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Definition
I wish I had died in my cradle. |
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WILLIE: Everybody up to the study. Mrs. Savage's visitors are here. |
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Definition
Miss Willie--may I stay? I never meet strangers anymore. Please let me. |
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WILLIE: Hurry now--everybody out. |
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Definition
Some day when I'm ordered out--I'm just going to go without saying a word. I have as much pride as anyone. |
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TITUS: I'm coming. I refuse to believe you. |
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Definition
We listened! We're horrible! |
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FLORENCE: We're quite ashamed. |
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Definition
We ALL wish we were dead. |
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SAVAGE: It's no secret. If you read the papers you'd know. |
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Definition
Did you REALLY hide all that money? |
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FLORENCE: And now you're giving it back. |
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Definition
You're very generous for your size and weight. |
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SAVAGE: What makes you think I did? |
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Definition
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SAVAGE: I can assure you--it is not my little bundle of bonds. |
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Definition
Then why did you say they were? |
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SAVAGE: I want to see to what extent they'll make fools of themselves. |
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Definition
Oh. Nothing makes the truth seem so shabby as a magnificent lie. How splendid! |
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