Ben and Caroline, my congratulations to you on this wonderful day. I want to take about 5 minutes to share with you one of the largely-known, but little-practiced secrets to thriving as husband and wife in marriage. So I’ll get right to it.

In God’s Word, in I Peter 3:1-7 the Apostle Paul gives instructions to wives and husbands.

God here shows us two responsibilities of husband and wife, and the outcomes those responsibilities have on their marriage.

God’s Word says in 1 Peter 3:1-2: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

And in verse 7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

In chapter 2, Paul tells us that it is Jesus’ example of suffering, for the benefit of someone else that is the example from which we are to obey the instructions to wives and husbands in chapter 3. Jesus died for all of us when he suffered at the hands of sinful people in life and ultimately for our sins on the cross.

So, “in the same way” at least has to do with bearing up under the pain of doing what is good for the sake of someone else’s’ benefit and growth. It’s responding to each other as husband and wife in a way that is NOT natural, but that is transformational. In context, Paul is referring to being submissive and considerate, especially when it is the hard thing to do. 

So Caroline, on the one hand, you as Ben’s wife, are called to submit to Ben, your husband. Instead of seeing Ben’s need for respect as authoritarian or manipulative, I challenge you to voice your HONEST thoughts and opinions with Ben in a way that conveys trust rather than guilt-finding criticism. Learn what it means to respect and honor him before others. Instead of giving into natural anxieties, allow Ben to bear the final responsibility for the direction of your family. One of Ben’s greatest struggles in life, as a man, will be to feel encouraged. We as men are tempted to doubt; especially God’s Word, when we are discouraged. In large part, no matter what other negative influences come against Ben, your respect and support alone will be what he needs to persevere. God means for you, as his wife, to encourage and cheer on the hero in your husband and to be a persuasive influence for believing God’s word in your relationship.

Likewise, Ben, you as Caroline’s husband, are called to live in an understanding way with Caroline. Ben, instead of seeing your wife’s emotional needs as an uncomfortable nuisance (unfortunately, often the default for us men), I challenge you to take initiative and responsibility for conveying love to Caroline (and knowing the specific ways in which Caroline actually receives and “feels” loved!). This can only happen if you take the time to, not just get to know her better, but to seek to understand her motivations, her desires, and from that perspective, encourage and cheer on the princess in your wife, as verse 7 says, she is an “heir with you of the gracious gift of life.” God is giving you Caroline today as a precious trust, which you are meant to encourage to bloom and be all that God has created her to be in Him.

Caroline, submitting to Ben’s headship as your husband; and Ben, seeking to understand Caroline as the wife God has given you will take much of the sting out of the hard work of your marriage.

It’s very interesting to note that in these verses, both the husband and wives’ responsibilities, done well, result in a closer and a MORE dependent relationship upon God; by believing His Word and an unhindered prayer life. So, the point of doing things God’s way in your marriage is not to learn a lot of good truths so that you don’t need God anymore. The point of making God the center is 1, it’s the place He deserves and 2, to become more and more dependent upon Him as your marriage matures, rather than less dependent.

God intended marriage to force us to depend upon each other…and to draw each of you together to depend totally upon Him. I challenge you both to work hard at seeking mutual understanding and respect so that your marriage will become stronger and a thing of beauty for His purposes.